Tuesday, April 19, 2016


God said, “Let Us make man in Our image …” Genesis 1:26

Who was He talking to?

I grew up in hilly country where there were a lot of rocks. A clever friend of mine once said: “There are two kinds of people in the world: rock-pile-ers and rock-rollers.” 

Now God is perfect, right? And He exists in a place of perfect peace and boundless beauty, called Heaven. So I imagine one day God got a little bored and decided he’d clone himself so he’d have someone to talk to. …
… Big mistake!

The clone had to be somehow different than God, of course, because if he was an exact replica of God, God would still be bored wouldn’t he? So, God 1.0 was a Rock-Pile-er, and God 2.0 was a Rock-Roller. How do I know God 1.0 was a Rock-Pile-er? Well, He was a Rock-pile-er the minute he started making things. But then He made God 2.0, the Rock-Roller, and all Hell broke loose!

Why did everything get so ‘interesting’ after that? It’s because rock-pile-ers and rock-rollers don’t get along very well. In fact, it turns out that they don’t even like each other.

As soon as the rock-pile-ers get a nice stack of rocks piled up on the hill, the rock-rollers come along and roll them down the hill, to watch them roll and bounce and go KER-SPLOOSH into the creek.

I never said this to my friend, but I think there are three kinds of people. Why? Because I don’t really care for piling rocks, or rolling them. I like to think about the rocks: What kind of rocks are they? Where did they come from? What was there before the rocks?

Let’s apply this to physicists. The rock-pile-ers are those, engineers really, who like to build things. Things like the Large Hadron Collider. The rock-rollers are the experimental physicists. They like to take things apart.

I can remember when as an undergraduate physics major at Central Methodist, I joined the Physics Club. We met at Mac’s, a bar about ten steps off campus, where we drank beer and waxed philosophical. One evening, sitting around a table at Mac’s, sipping beer, the president of the club, a senior named Newton (No, not Sir Isaac; George) said: “Hey guys, let’s blow up something and see what it looks like!” 

That was the beginning of Fledermaus, the rocket-science project. We called it Fledermaus, German for bat, because we met at night on the athletic field and tried to make thing fly, by sticking explosives under them, lighting a fuse, and running for cover. It gave us an excuse for blowing things up! But, I digress.

The engineering physicists are rock-pile-ers. They build things, like the LHC. The experimental physicists (rock-rollers) are the particle physicists who like to blow things up, and they both look questioningly at physicists like me, who don’t particularly care to get their hands dirty, scratch their heads and say: “OK … theoretical physicists, right?”

So God 1.0 said to God 2.0: “Let Us make man in Our image …”

“OK, what do we look like? Asked God 2.0, you haven’t made mirrors yet, you know.”

 God 1.0 sighed and they trudged down the hill to the edge of the creek.

“As I was saying,” God 1.0 began again, “Let Us make man in Our image …”

“What’s a man?” interrupted God 2.0, “Did you just make that up?”

“He’s going to look like that,” God 1.0 said impatiently, pointing to their reflections in the creek. 

And He began to wave his hand as they were looking at their reflections in the creek, but at that exact moment, God 2.0 stirred the water with a stick. And that’s why we have so many odd-looking people today.

Please send hate mail to God3point0@yoohoo.com


  1. In my mystically-inspired opinion, the Ultimate Force (my God) must be allowed, as well as all else, the innate freedom to be a Joker. For, it could well be that as an evolving Ultimate Being, Its Joke could eventually well be on the male of our species, due to Its fundamental androgynous Nature - Mythically-hinted at right back to ISIS!

    And, as mystically-advised, the Voice said unto Brian in 1980: 'No more religions, no more martyrs - Stay the clown; We like you that way!' ('Brian and the Rainbow Men')

  2. As the world transits from the dark age (Kali Yuga in vedic Sanskrit) to the Quickening Age (Dwarpara Yuga) the Bell curve of humanity can be divided into three groups: Those who don't know, and don't want to know, those who don't but want to know, and those who KNOW. For the first group, no amount of explaining will help, for the last group, no explanation is necessary. However, we may be able to pull a few of the middle group over into the light. If we can move even one, it's worth it. The first group see no humor at all in existence, the second group want to laugh, and the third group are ecstatic!

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  4. Typo corrected:

    On behalf of the Ultimate Force, Ed: A cosmicated and rip-roaring Ha, Ha, Ha!

    There follows an excerpt from 'Brian and the Animate God', where Brian and Byron teleport themselves to planet Earth in the system of the Sun, an aeon hence, to meet up and integrate with the Ultimate Being:

    Brian was justifiably impressed with the Colour-Sergeant's matter-of-fact logic, relating to its Omnipotent Master. "If UF wears a rainbow-coloured romper suit," he transmitted back, "does It also display some badge of rank, similar to your three chevrons; or is It so meek that It shuns all forms of class distinction, even towards Its pest-control brigade?"
    "Glad you asked, Sir!
    "… UF still has a keen sense of cosmic humour… When It became the only Being left and decided to wear a romper suit, It summoned us up to ‘Chez Morgue’ for a big party. ‘Rainbow Men,’ It said, laughing until tears streamed down Its face, ‘now that I look a proper unisex prat and I’ve proved I’m all I was purported to be, I think I’ll pull rank on you. I shall become your Warrant Officer – honorary Boss, of course; because when we leave here, rank won’t amount to any more than a fart in a black hole!
    "‘… And, what’s more,’ It added, collapsing onto Its back with Its little legs flaying the air, ‘as many of you in the past have had the blasphemous thought that I should go and stuff myself – I will show you that in my perfected state it’s physically possible!"‘… My ever-faithful companions, how do you imagine Perfected Beings ever got any real pleasure?’"

    W.O.Brian (Anagram of Rainbow!) Amun!